Talk about minimalist training, Conan pushed a log for 20 years and look what happened to him!

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!

Yeah, I know it was yesterday but better late than never right?  I hope your Father’s Day was as good as mine.  I woke up early played a little golf with my dad then came home and relaxed the rest of the day with my wife and son.  It was a much needed rest day after kicking it up notch beginning a new training phase.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve started training outside in my little 17′x10′ shed.  It’s awesome!  It’s hot, muggy, sweaty, dirty, and nasty, just the way training should be!  Out there, there it’s no excuses training at it’s best.

So, check out my training session from this morning then check out this awesome rant from my man Zach Even-Esh.  It’s just too priceless not to share!

Full Body Training Wk 2 – Day 1

1a – Barbell Clean + Throw 5×6

1b – Burpee + Broad Jump 5×5

2a – Zercher Squat 3×8

2b – Sandbag Clean 3×5

3a – Chins 3xsubmax

3b – Pushups 3xsubmax

3c – GHR situps 3×15

THE END

by Zach Even-Esh

My last workout which I e mailed to you got me a lot of heat, not just literally, bit via cry baby e mails.

If you recall, I spoke about my workout with no water, and the garage door shut with the warehouse being hot as hell.

Because of all the complaints regarding how unsafe this is and that others will follow this and possibly hurt themselves I decided it is best to STOP training in such a dangerous manner.

I would HATE to see people getting mentally tougher.

I mean, now that I think about it, people are tough enough.

I will remove my article from the Blog, The Pussification of America…..

I will instead be part of the problem, as my “solutions” are too difficult and are life threatening.

I apologize if I ever caused you to sweat, strain or work outside your comfort zone. I must have been on strange drugs at the time, causing me to think and act in unsafe manners.

I apologize if I ever told you that sending text messages, checking your hair or popping zits in the mirror during your “workout” and in between sets of leg extensions was wrong.

Please – STOP working so hard. You will hurt yourself!

Squats are going to hurt your back and will ruin your knees!!!

The Bench Press will KILL your shoulders. I suggest using the smith machine and if the smith machine is not available then a GREAT substitute would be the pec deck machine.

If your gym does not have air conditioning, END your membership and find a gym that has air conditioning!

Do NOT be so insane or crazy to think that you can work out in temperatures greater than 70 degrees.

It is unsafe and unhealthy.

You will dehydrate and end up in the hospital.

If you are in high school and about to prepare for Football, have your parents organize a group and
write a letter to the principal, the superintendent of schools, the head coach and to the state regarding the need for air conditioning while training.

With double sessions approaching, you should be able to nap between workouts and have a perfectly balanced meal provided so you can optimally recover for the 2nd session of the day.

Water breaks should be given every 6 minutes and 24 seconds as this is the EXACT time your heart rate is likely to exceed 175 BPM which is EXTREMELY dangerous!

If the air temperature is beyond 84.6 degrees, organize your teammates and hold a “Player’s Strike” demanding a day off as the heat can be too tough on the body AND your mind. YOU deserve BETTER!

After EVERY practice go to the trainer and get a deep tissue massage for 20 minutes, followed by a contrast shower, alternating hot / cold water every 30 seconds.

The towels provided to you should be 100% Egyptian Cotton and the ladies who pat you dry should be 5′10″ with blonde hair, Scandinavian or Swedish for best results.

These rules should apply for ALL sports and ALL military.

Those of you who are Spec Ops in the Military, please have your Commanding Officer read this.

Print this out for him so he can read this daily.

During your long runs or specialty training missions through jungles there should be water stations set up and rest areas so you can replenish and rehydrate your body. This is EXACTLY what will happen during a REAL war and it is time to start preparing the RIGHT way!

Optimally, each water station should be 1.2 miles apart for best results. Every third water station should have a massage therapist on staff to massage your calves and feet to alleviate any discomfort or pain you may be experiencing.

The military will be moving away from REAL application and training in the REAL elements. Rather than jungle training the military will be renting NFL Football stadiums and creating mock Jungles.

The trees will be fake and the streams you cross will be created from high end pool manufacturers, loaded with deadly fish such as Guppies and Gold Fish. The snakes will not be poisonous, instead, they will be garter snakes, rented from local pet stores.

Wild Life will be rented from local pet shops and returned every night.

Soldiers in training will be allowed 1 break per every 45 minutes of training last no longer than 6.17 minutes
and no less than 3.12 minutes.

This will allow sufficient time to check facebook messages, check your e mail and call loved ones.

The Underground Strength Gym is closed as of June 20th, 2010. ALL equipment will be donated to the local scrap yard as our equipment has been deemed to dangerous for ALL people of the human race.

I can be reached for consultation at various gyms throughout NJ such as LA Fitness, Retro Fitness and Work Out World – I’m gonna keep Jersey Strong, brothers!

Lead from the front.

–Z–